Surprise – MTV Gives Awful Advice

30 Jun

Anyone in the sphere of social justice blogging is probably aware of MTV’s “Guy Code”, a general shitshow of patriarchal machismo that’s more likely to get a dude slapped in the face than laid. But recently, MTV decided to air a different sort of shitshow they call “Girl Code.” You know, as not to be sexist.

girl code

Before I start complaining, let me just say that a positive aspect of Girl Code is that they feature women of different races and sizes. I mean, they all say problematic stuff, but it’s nice to see women on TV who you can tell apart. Also, they talked about female masturbation which is a pretty unusual thing to hear about on TV. At least I smiled before I barfed everywhere.

masturbation pizza

Another positive thing is that MTV’s video player lets you skip right to the parts you wanted to complain the most about. I feel like they saved me a couple of brain cells. I’d be here all day if I discussed every problematic aspect, so I’ll just give you some of the examples I found especially nauseating.

First off, for a show that promotes “sisterhood” there is (surprise) an awful lot of slut-shaming. To be “classy” you can’t wear six inch heels or tight clothes, and can only swear when you’re watching sports. You also can’t smoke, and if you do, you can’t pack your cigarettes. Because apparently it’s “masculine” to not want tobacco all over your other belongings. While smoking is unarguably bad for you, the fact that a few people on MTV dub it unsexy is hardly a reason to quit.

In order to represent the male point of view, MTV appointed Guy Code sleazebag Andrew Shulz who came out with these gems:

shulz hook

There go my panties, bruh

“If a guy is all over you in public, that is a complete compliment” (this needs no comment)

(in reference to wanting to break up with a girl) “I’ll never be honest”

That’s right, ladies! We aren’t the only ones who are emotionally manipulative relationship terrorists! It’s totally okay if men drop hints and expect us to pick up on their innermost feelings. Right. Talking things out like an adult is overrated.

Girl Code cited these as hard and fast signs that your boyfriend wants to break up with you:

  • becoming emotionally withdrawn
  • hanging out with female friends (who have bigger boobs than you!)
  • neglecting you

breakup threat

Is that a challenge?

Now this is where I really start to get rustled. People who think that relationship problems are the only thing that could be bothering your significant other are completely misguided and selfish. Why not talk to your dude to find out why he’s withdrawn? Maybe he’s having problems at work or with school. Maybe he’s like me and gets bouts of depression where he doesn’t want to leave the house or do anything more complicated than make cereal. Perhaps his large-breasted female friends are to him what your friends are to you, people to hang out with so you and your SO can have separate lives. Maybe they’re neglecting you because they have other stuff to do. They just assume all women should be put on pedestals and constantly groomed by their (always male) significant others, and that dishonesty is excusable if it’s used to preserve feelings. I mean, if my boyfriend doesn’t text me for a couple of hours, I don’t automatically assume he’s hanging out with big boobed biddies (say that three times fast), because 9 times out of 10, he’s at work or studying.

jealousy women

Oooooh yeah girl, shake dat internalized misogyny

Anyway, MTV had a pretty good opportunity to talk about sexual fluidity and healthy experimentation when they addressed bisexuality. Unsurprisingly, they talked about bar hookups. For dudes’ pleasure. I’m still cleaning out the barf stains from my parents’ couch, they aren’t happy.

girls-are-hot

Solidarity for the 10%

There was also a bit about “acting crazy” and being jealous and how unattractive it is. I don’t go crazy because I’m a woman, I do it because I’m a high strung, New York Italian with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Call me crazy. I dare you.

Now if it were just MTV harping on about this shit, I wouldn’t care much. But the thing is, a lot of women in my age bracket watch this and think it’s legitimately how you should act. I’m beating a dead horse by saying that MTV is awful, but when you see this stuff play out, you can tell it’s really just detrimental to becoming a functional adult and learning how relationships and sexuality are supposed to work.

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